It kills me to think that I'm always in it alone, no matter what it is. However much you put your faith into something, somehow or rather it will most inevitably come crashing down on you. However little faith or hope you have, however miniscule or insignificant, when it falls, you ultimately crumble with it. However much we try to do it on our own, we end up putting hopes on something or someone else again. It never ends. Its a vicious cycle.

And although I admit its just human nature, that everyone goes through it, I still must say:

To the one who started it all, screw you. Bloody hypocrites.

The evils...

It's been a while. yes. It just hit me today that there will always be someone out there to make you feel that you're never gonna be good enough for anyone. There are no exceptions. Anger is the source of all evil (next to money), and when someone's angry, they'll be kind enough to bring up all the mistakes that you have done, and slam it into your face kinda like whipped cream on a pie. Only not edible. It eats you up inside.

I know you're probably gonna expect something like 'but its ok, screw you asses who try to make me feel this way, i'm not perturbed!'. But we all know that's bullshit. I feel like shit. Feel like disappearing into the ground. To wither up and just die or something. but the fact that I've been blabbing about life and how its so precious would make me sound like a hypocrite if i said i should just die. So lets see. I feel crap, want to change things. but WHY? The world's so evil. I'm evil. I'm not denying it. Not that I haven't made any mistakes. Still am. It just feels like I've just fallen and broken my leg but its not enough, so someone just accidentally drops a pile of bricks on it. You know, just in case it's not broken.

I know, you're angry. So am I. We say things we don't mean (or do mean but on normal days we're just too nice to say it out).

But it SUCKS. ARGH. @#%^*#$*@)#*(.


There. I feel a little bit better.

Starfish

This morning I woke up all groggy and having Garfield like eyes on a Monday morning. I was wondering what on earth could've made me so tired, then I remembered my dream.

I died and turned into a starfish. Of all things, seriously. So I dropped a gazillion feet from the sky and plopped into this pond, and being a starfish, well, I couldn't leave that pond. Then I died again. Drowned, in a flood. wth.

I have no idea what that means, but it sure as hell drained me out of my energy today.

Two more hours to a two week break.

And so much closer to London.

ahh...bliss :)

Another year

So it's the new year. And everyone's been blogging about it. Pardon my skepticism, but another new year just reminds me of how painful life can be.

Or how unfair it can be. And how it will always be. No matter how much we try to hide from it, it is the most inevitable fact that it is still lurking somewhere, and we choose to not acknowledge it.

For things that reminds us of the past, we lock them up in drawers, stuff them in the far ends of our closets, bury them away deep in our thoughts. For us humans, we never forget. We only choose not to remember.

So while we live life according to what we think will 'make them proud' or while we try to fit into their footsteps, endeavouring to continue what we think was 'unfinished business', and stepping back engulfing in self pity thinking how it would be like if that person was around, we (well I) sometimes forget that she's gone.

Like how I think she'll eventually be reading this while I'm typing this out.

It's almost been a year. And the memories are as fresh as ever.