What if...

What if you woke up one day and everything around you changed?

What if you realised that the person you could not live without, is that person you should not be with?

What if one day your prefect life (or so you thought) went crashing into the drain, and there was nothing you could do to bring it back?

What if you wanted so much more, but..

Life's rules are very simple.

You live your life to the maximum contentment, and all that you have decided upon, is your responsibility and the consequences are yours alone.

Life would be perfect, if you could look back anytime of anyday, and not feel a single twinge in your heart that says 'if only I had...'

Life itself isn't.

You have a plan that you want life to just be simple. Perfect and simple. But it doesn't always work out that way.

Some will let you learn from experiences, but some will go through hell just to keep you from them.

And you know why - for the very simple reason that they have been through something similar, so they do not want you to feel the hurt, the pain, the insecurities, and the inconvenience.

But one big part that they fail to understand, is that without these experiences, we will never learn to grow. We will never learn to think on our own. We will never be able to stand on our two feet.

There is no point telling someone 'don't regret this'. Because there will be something that everyone would do that they will regret. And if they look back and realise what went wrong, it would be the world to them when they discover themselves, that every second of their lives is worth living.

Don't for a second, think that just because your life is in hell, the world has to go down with you. It is your life, you make the decisions. Every word you speak, every action that you show, contributes to what may or may not happen in the future.

What if you woke up one day, and you were looking at clips of your life from above?

What would you have done differently?

What will you do next?

-

Random things you do not want to know about me

01. I am very disturbed right now. Don't disturb me. I mean it.


02. My wrist is swelling. It should be getting better, not giving me funny colours everyday.


03. My slippers are wet. From the damn rain this morning.


04. I have four books staring at me which I know I should start reading but I really can't give a damn right now.


05. I despise driving in KL. No, I despise looking for a parking in KL.


06. My stomach is giving me wierd sounds I'm certain it's gonna pop open soon.


07. On days (like this) when I really don't want to care about anything, everything has to come my way.


08. I think my room is getting bored of me.


09. So is my blog.


10. Sigh.

Tagged!

Hmm…This is interesting. Let’s see how it works out…

100 truths, tag 10 people to do the same. Don't forget to tag!
Last beverage = Water. Yuck
Last phone call = Why?
Last text message = Why?
Last song you listened to = Some weird song playing on the radio
Last time you cried = Hmm…110 hours ago

HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice = Yes
Been cheated on = Yes.
Kissed someone & regretted it = Nope
Lost someone special = Yes. Haven’t you?

IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Fallen out of love = No
Laughed until you cried = Yes. While playing speed. You should try it.
Met someone who changed your life = Sort of
Found out someone was talking about you = Hell yeah
How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? = Huh? Is this a facebook term?
Do you have any pets = Yep
Do you want to change your name = WHY WOULD I?
What time did you wake up today = 6.45am
What were you doing at midnight last night = trying to sleep
Name something you cannot wait for = Friday night
The last time you saw your father = Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………
What's one thing you wish you could change = Memories
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Yes
What's getting on your nerves right now = The fact that I have nothing to do and I’m cracking my brain trying to answer these questions

What's your name = Not saying
Elementary/Primary School = SriMawar
Middle/Secondary School = StJoe
High School = MGS
Hair color = Black
Long or short = Long
Are you a health freak = Have you seen me eat?
Righty or lefty = Righty

FIRSTS:
First surgery = Nada
First piercing = Ears
First best friend = Can’t really remember. Did she not backstab me or something?
First sport you joined = Cycling. Fell in monsoon drains most of the time.
First pet = A fish. That died again and again.
First vacation = That would be my hometown.

CURRENTLY:
Eating = Air
Drinking = Water
Waiting = For time to go away.

YOUR FUTURE:
Want kids? = Maybe
Want to get married? = Yes. A big white one
Careers in mind? = Already have one

HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger = Nope
Drank Wine/Beer/alcohol = Yes
Lost glasses/contacts = Nope
Ran away from home = Nope. Man, wouldn’t I love to try
Broken someone's heart = Yeah
Been arrested = Hmm…what kind?
Cried when someone died = Yes

YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself = Yes. More than ever
Miracles = Yes. Even more. Just doesn’t happen when I want it to.
Love at first sight = NO
Heaven = Yes
Kiss on the first date = Does second first dates count?
Angels = Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
Is there one person you want to be with right now? = Yes. I’m not saying.
More than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? = No. Down with bastards that do!
Do you believe in God? =Yes

TAG:
I tag you, you and you.

One silly act...

So I did a really silly thing today. I shall not state what it is. I already told you it was silly.

But it opened an eye. Just one, cause I'm thinking I'm not all that aware yet. Call me naive, whatever, I know it's not the end.

No matter how much you try to trust a person with your whole heart, it will never happen. At certain points in life, you would have thought you had. But there will always be those tiny moments, that draw you back from fairyland, and raises little doubts in your heart. Things you see, things you hear, things that you think of, things from the past that comes back to haunt you.

And then you wonder, why is it so difficult to do so? You weren't lied to (maybe a bit), you weren't spoofed, you have everything in the world going for you, you sort of have it all. But yet, that little insecurity can spoil everything. And if that hole is not filled up quickly, it will fill up with countless, undesirable filth - whether it be the truth or not.

But the truth is that it happens. And for once, I say this act that I did was really silly. Because I do not need to see to know. I have a brain and I use it. Plus common sense and everything else that goes with it.

I have known. Since the beginning. And I have hoped, God knows, how hard, that things will change. That it will change because it is me. And it HAS to be different. Not the same, not similar, not anything like it.

It hasn't. And this silly act of mine proved it.

Contrary to popular belief, trust isn't a subjective matter. It is a very straightforward road. You trust someone, you don't question, you don't doubt. But being stupid is another thing. You try to trust, and you work so hard not to doubt, and so you believe in the stupidest excuse you receive. And do nothing about it. That's not trust.

And it goes both ways. I can trust you. But if you give me any reason to doubt you, it goes out the window. And when it does, you won't know how long you will take to find it back.

A message to those who are thinking of hiding things from whoever it is they want to hide:

"If you think you are so clever to hide things from people, make sure they are those who are stupid (as defined above). Otherwise, don't run to mama when a fireball rams up your ass."

So before it does, spit it out.

We might find it in our very big hearts to forgive.

The phrase forgive and forget doesn't exist. [emphasis added]

Forgiveness is for the one who gives.

To forget is for the person who lied/betrayed/yanked you out of your safe zone.

So who wants to forget?

Ok that was a bit mean. Rephrase: We really do want to forget, but it is just not within our power. Unless God grants the gift of amnesia. But then again I think you'd freak out once you get your memory back.

Ah the countless ways of trying to trust someone and forget the past. It is just quite impossible. Unless there is a significant change in the way things run. Again, not the same, not similar, not the like of any kind.

It just pisses you off when you think that it is finally over. But it still isn't. Because you find out, through ONE SILLY ACT, that he still cannot let it go.

YES JO

Jo, yes it's me.

I'm so easy to spot huh?

Damn.

I thought cookie would've covered for me. She looks like any Shih Tzu.

Only cuter :p

I don't need sex

Someone thought this was good for Perakians, but then realised it'd be good for all Malaysians...

What are the odds that it is so very true...

Evil

This says it all:

+

=

Water, lifts and stairs

So recently the water supply was cut off from the place where I'm staying.

Not for a day.

5 days!

OK so I wasn't around during the weekend when it happened. So technically I only suffered for 4 days.

Sunday was good. There were a few buckets of water left. So the only time I needed water was to shower and brush my teeth for the night.

Life has never felt so cold. Not even winter in Leeds.

But then again who am I to blame? The water's gone off. Not the electricity. Didn't even cross my pea-brain to boil some water.

Never mind that. Life repeated itself again the next day.

And then the water ran out.

So armed with a bucket and keys, we (my dude and I) went down to the water hose to collect some water.

One bucket. It's not much. Filled it up, waited for the lift.

And wa-lah....the lifts broke down at that point.

Which, if you think about it, doesn't make such a big deal.

Not unless you're living on the 22nd FLOOR!!!

Ok, so fine. There were tonnes of other people waiting. So whatever. We weren't gonna wait the whole night for the damn lifts to repair itself (which it miraculously did after a day), so the stairs it was.

With a bucket of water.

No can do.

So since water was so VALUABLE and we couldn't let it go to waste, we thought, why not use it first?

Yup, so two officially self-proclaimed idiots were walking up 22 flights of stairs, drenched in water from the neck up.

Don't ask me how we did it. We just did. With no cramps whatsoever.

All for the love of a bucket of water. Which we didn't get in the end.

Never again

I'm swearing off using the KTM. Forever and ever.

Ever heard of civilized human beings?

Apparently they don't exist in this country.

Eyes vs Words

They say eyes are the windows to a person's soul. I say it is not. Words are.

Eyes are able to lie, if you're good enough. Plus people wear coloured contact lenses now. How are you able to tell?

Writing gives a person the freedom to choose its words, form of expression, an invisible boundry as to how far one wants to go. (But obviously if you wind up like RPK, don't come running to me).

But seriously, it is the best way to express your thoughts. Your deepest thoughts, one in which when you're deep in it, you think you couldn't possibly tell anyone. But when you grab a pen (or start clicking away on your keyboard), there is no telling as to how far you can go. (up till the point where you don't know what nonsense you're writing about)

Words are important, albeit the phrase actions speak louder than words. Human beings are complicated creatures. If you don't show actions enough, they complain. And then if you show just actions, they say you never tell them how you feel. Break a balance? Never will do.

Words, if expressed properly, calm people down, in times of difficulty, they being people back from cliff's edges, bring back the light into people's eyes, warms up their souls, restores common sense into their minds.

It shows how much a person is willing to do for you, willing to give up for you, willing to give in to you. Sometimes you swallow your pride, your ego, to conjure up the words just to make another feel a little bit better. And although it is not appreciated, you feel a little better inside. For you know you've tried. At least you've given it all you've got.

We write not to be understood. But because we cannot be misunderstood. We are granted the gift of speech for a reason. Ever wonder why dogs bite and cats scratch? You think dogs bite cause they're born to bite? Maybe its just because you're ugly. You won't know right? They will forever be misunderstood because they cannot ever speak to you in words.

I'm trying very hard not to be morbid. Very very hard. We all know words are not all yummylicious. But just for once, I'll just end here without going over to the dark side..

So, if you're wondering why on earth I'm babbling about words today...well, let's just say, it helped me get some sleep last night. It was all wrapped up with the help of a pen & paper.